My Baby Boy Came Home and Asked For Shepherd's Pie

The 19 year old - the one that decided at the age of 15 he was thoroughly done with being parented, who decided he was done going to school in 9th grade, who was sneaking out the window at 12 or 13 to run drugs for neighborhood thugs, who used to rifle through my dresser and steal things to buy cigarettes and pot, who used to get so violently angry that I consistently called the cops because I was legit afraid of him, who had to go inpatient at a psych hospital, who got kicked out of his last roommate's house because, in a drunk rage-fit, he threatened to kill his roommate - has decided now that he does need to be parented.

Daddy left for Georgia early Saturday morning, grabbed him, and immediately turned around and drove back. My baby boy is home. He's aware that living here comes with conditions. My house, my rules. There will no smoking in the house, no throwing butts outside the house, no weed anywhere near the house, If I tell him to go for a walk because he is becoming agitated (a good sign shit's about to go down) he will go for a walk. That usually calms him down. He will go back to school, he will actively participate in working on his mental/behavioral health and cooperate with his therapist, and he will actively seek employment. He will respect my personal space and his sister's personal space. The goal is to get him out and on his own, successfully adulting as soon as possible.

In return, he gets to stay in our damp basement with the drain in the floor because water runs under the door every time it rains (but at least that affords him some personal space), have access to proper hygiene facilities, and gets to eat mum's cooking. That, to him, is the biggest perk. Before his father and I made the decision to offer him this opportunity he had asked for my shepherd's pie recipe. I don't generally use - or write down - recipes and I haven't made shepherd's pie in so long I couldn't remember what I put in it. When the decision was made for him to move, he first request was that I make him a shepherd's pie when he got here. We made one today together. I used to use TVP as the meat substitute but I don't have access to that anymore - at least not the kind I used to use that was in chunks - so I googled vegetarian shepherd's pie recipes for a suitable meat sub. The best suggestion I found was crimini mushrooms. They have a hearty, meaty texture and don't really taste mushroomy when cooked in gravy.

For posterity, here is my approximation of a recipe.

For the stew:

Half a stick of butter and about an equal amount of olive oil
1 diced onion
3 cloves of garlic, minced
(This is where I added about a teaspoon of salt to help draw the moisture from the onions.)
1 pound of crimini (or Baby Bella) mushrooms, diced
5 medium carrots, peeled and diced
3 stalks of celery diced

Melt the butter with the olive oil over low heat while you chop the veg. Chop and drop veg - in the order listed - into the pan as you go. I used my big, deep saute pan but a Dutch oven would work nicely here as well.

Between the garlic and the mushrooms, cut 3 pounds of red and/or gold potatoes into chunks and cover with water, well salted. When that comes to a boil, it should take about 20 minutes or so for the potatoes to get soft. (19 helped with the potatoes so I didn't have to interrupt my veg chopping, but you can let onions and garlic sweat over low heat for long enough to do this.) 

When the veg is all in the pan, add about 1/4 cup of flour and stir continuously for 3 or 4 minutes to brown the flour a bit. Make sure the flour is evenly distributed among the veg and completely coated in fat. Pour in one 12 oz beer and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. When that starts to thicken pour in about half of a quart of vegetable broth or stock, a bit more salt, lots of pepper, some Worcestershire sauce, a generous teaspoon of smoked paprika, and (if you have it - I do because I'm a complete anglophile) a dollop of HP brown sauce. Pickapeppa sauce would work too.

Let that simmer, stirring frequently, until it reduces by about half and the gravy is thick.

Meanwhile, your potatoes are probably done. Drain them and return them to the pot. Mash them up with whatever you usually put in mashed potatoes. I used a splash of buttermilk, half a cup of sour cream, and the other half of that stick of butter, and plenty of salt and pepper. I also prefer to hand mash my potatoes - I like them a bit lumpy.

Right as you take the stew off the heat, add in a package of frozen peas and stir. Dump the stew into a casserole dish. I used my favorite red one that is slightly smaller than a standard 9x13 pan. Top with the mashed potatoes. Top that with about 4 ounces of grated extra sharp cheddar. Bake at 400 for about 30 minutes or until the stew is bubbling up and the cheese is browned.

The whole family (minus me) was a bit dubious of the mushrooms subbing for meat, but everyone was thrilled with the results. I'm the only one in my family really behind this whole eating vegetarian thing but nobody missed the meat with the mushrooms and the rich gravy. 19 snapped a picture to send to his 21 year old brother just to gloat. His brother, jealous because he isn't eating mum's cooking, told him to fuck off.

Is that worth a fuck off?